Julian Assange is gorgeous

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

Thu, 24 Feb 2011 06:30:59 -0500

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy belated crimbo, Julianites! We got what WE wanted from...

Mon, 27 Dec 2010 09:02:51 -0500

Happy belated crimbo, Julianites! We got what WE wanted from Santa: a preorder of the unwritten Assange memoirs. It’s never too early, you know.

We’ve come across this photo of Julian giving fashion tips to this ill-dressed soul. Leave it to our man to look good in a classic suit typically worn by government scum.

People, don’t get apoplectic, we know full well a whole...

Wed, 22 Dec 2010 13:10:11 -0500

Holiday baking at JAIG HQ

Just a nibble...

People, don’t get apoplectic, we know full well a whole day went by without a dose of Mr. Assange but the whole staff has been busy with the holiday baking, filling out orders for the much in demand Julianhead cookies.

It’s been a feat, as quite a few of them get passionately scoffed as soon as they’re decorated.

The Assange Assortment comes with a variety of hairstyles, thoughtful/stern expressions and anonymising eyewear. £14.99 for a dozen. All proceeds go to our umbrella company, the Julian Assange Appreciation Society.

If you look very closely, you can see the gentleman in the funny...

Mon, 20 Dec 2010 16:47:00 -0500

If you look very closely, you can see the gentleman in the funny hat and high vis vest eyeing Julian wantonly as the latter slinks gracefully into his vehicle. At JAIG we’ve always known Mr. Assange’s appeal crossed gender boundaries and hold no judgement against this fellow.

How do you suppose, Julianites, does mansion living suit our hero? We suspect he’s shunned the false comforts of the cozy English countryside and has demanded that his quarters be stripped down to ascetic necessities such as floors, a laptop and WPA2 encryption.

Look, you British tabloids, you can call Julian a ho all you...

Sun, 19 Dec 2010 11:33:44 -0500

Look, you British tabloids, you can call Julian a ho all you want. But we dare you: YOU try being a tall, fine and mysterious idealist and not attract the ladies. Go on, try it.

JAIG understands. We forgive you, Julian, because we know that bedding an endless steam of admirers is simply part of the job.

We’ve taken a number and are queuing patiently.

It’s a cold Saturday night, the bitter snows of injustice...

Sat, 18 Dec 2010 16:02:12 -0500

It’s a cold Saturday night, the bitter snows of injustice are swirling outside, but here at JAIG we’re relaxing by the fire with our Wikileaks logo emblazoned electric slanket and a few bottles of Australian riesling. It’s been a long week.

And so, with a smooch from the dashing Mr. Assange himself, we bid all the Julianites good night.

Do you know what’s sexier than a man who looks good in a...

Sat, 18 Dec 2010 14:05:00 -0500

Do you know what’s sexier than a man who looks good in a casually draped scarf? A man who loves his momma.

We’re head over heels for the spiky hair, Julian, like so much silver tinsel. Honestly, we’d love for you to come deck our halls.

Oh, where is the mistletoe?

Fri, 17 Dec 2010 14:12:20 -0500

Oh, where is the mistletoe?

We’re at a loss for words! Doesn’t he look so...

Fri, 17 Dec 2010 13:34:19 -0500

We’re at a loss for words! Doesn’t he look so natural and statuesque against the backdrop of that snowy mansion? It must be the purity of winter landscape that offsets him so well.

And is that a cup of hot cocoa in your hand, Julian? Enjoy it, it’s the least you deserve.

Well, needless to say tonight we are the happiest blog on the...

Thu, 16 Dec 2010 15:51:26 -0500

Well, needless to say tonight we are the happiest blog on the internets.

We are elated - although not altogether surprised - to see Julian looking so well after his ordeal. We sincerely hope he’ll be perscribed a nice hot bath very soon, given his troubling lack of coat against the snowy London skies. You can’t lead the fight for information freedom if you catch your death.

Oh, Julian, we should mention that JAIG has diversivied to offer grooming services if you’re after some post incarceration rejuvination. Operators are standing by.

Today might just be the day, Julianites! You might as well stick...

Thu, 16 Dec 2010 10:00:00 -0500

Today might just be the day, Julianites! You might as well stick a giant red bow on the Magistrates’ court because our Christmas present is inside and we’ve been VERY good this year.

In any case, Julian is sure to abscond his mansion arrest and join us at JAIG HQ when he finds out our internet is faster than Vaughan Smith’s.

It’s going to be a very leaky Christmas.

Oh and Volvos. We hate Volvos too. It’s another day of...

Thu, 16 Dec 2010 07:02:54 -0500

Oh and Volvos. We hate Volvos too.

It’s another day of sitting on tinderhooks here at JAIG HQ which, as you all might imagine, is a very painful experience.

OUTRAGE! Our Assange Stalkers are temporarily standing down due...

Wed, 15 Dec 2010 06:52:31 -0500

OUTRAGE! Our Assange Stalkers are temporarily standing down due to a problem called SWEDEN. For the time being, we’re shifting our efforts to helping you hate all things Swedish. Just refer to the following list of things and people which should be shunned by all Julianites:

Meatballs
IKEA
ABBA
Crayfish parties
All ungodly forms of herring
The soul-crushingly existentialist ouvre of Ingmar Bergman

In other words, nothing you’ll really miss.

NOTICE: JAIG’s SSS unit (special stalking staff) is...

Tue, 14 Dec 2010 12:17:00 -0500

NOTICE: JAIG’s SSS unit (special stalking staff) is standing by for redeployment into the field pending Julian’s release. We’ll be posting our finest to several stations across London and to within the vicinity of Ellingham Hall.

FREEDOM, BIATCHES!

In case you lot haven’t noticed,...

Tue, 14 Dec 2010 09:43:00 -0500

In case you lot haven’t noticed, Julian’s photogenesis is apparent even through the darkened windows of a police van.

Meanwhile, the JAIG staff are frantically scrambling to find 20 grand of surety money to ensure that Julian is bailed to the safety of our headquarters.

Not only has Julian devoted his life to exposing the corrupt...

Tue, 14 Dec 2010 04:28:10 -0500

Not only has Julian devoted his life to exposing the corrupt cogs of soulless governmental machinery, but he also takes the time to show this gentleman how to use a computer.

Note the long elegant hands and the well-formed wrists, Julianites.

Well, things have quieted down a bit in the news on the Julian...

Mon, 13 Dec 2010 14:17:00 -0500

Well, things have quieted down a bit in the news on the Julian front, but here at JAIG we aim to keep the flame of Mr. Assange’s handsomely fought struggle alive. For this evening’s reflection and meditation we offer you the bright beacon of his smiling visage.

We bask in the pearly glow of his chevelure.

Grrr, hiss, claw, spit! Remove yourself from His presence, you...

Mon, 13 Dec 2010 10:40:09 -0500

Grrr, hiss, claw, spit!

Remove yourself from His presence, you smirking, photo-bombing floosie!

“But soft, what light through yonder prison window...

Sun, 12 Dec 2010 15:33:00 -0500

“But soft, what light through yonder prison window breaks?
It is the east, and Julian is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief
That thou, her maid, art far more fair than he.”

We think that what Shakespeare is trying to say here is that Julian haters are gonna hate.

Oh my gosh, we’re being overrun with followers! We...

Sun, 12 Dec 2010 07:43:00 -0500

Oh my gosh, we’re being overrun with followers! We appreciate the support but we hope you are all aware that we’re keeping the best Julian-snaps for our bedroom walls and handing the scraps over to you lot - just enough to sustain you.

But since it’s Sunday, we’ve had a democratic vote, and we are reluctantly agreed to surrender the above photograph to the masses. We call it “Etude in White No. 1” as there’s something Whistler-esque about it.

It’s a bit of a missed opportunity on the photographer’s part, don’t you think? If we’d had the choice to make any part of Julian transparent, we’d go for the pants.

Truth should stand naked.